Feminist Momming and Dadding

August 28, 2010

“I wish someone would have told me that our job as mothers is not to take emotional pain away from our children but to hold them through it.”

I like that advice. I read it in a recent blog post on Feministing (which, eh-hem, was quite slanted in its leaving out dads…it’s okay…it happens). And then I decided to come up with some advices all by myself, cuz some of my friends are starting to raise kids, like 5 – 10 years after me because I was pregnant and momming before it was cool 🙂 Heehee. Just kidding. Here goes:

1. Still do what you love. No matter what. It will show your kid how to make oneself happy and not have to rely on others for thrills.

2. Eat good food. It’s good for you, daddy. And you can’t take care of other people if you only have processed, chemical-ridden, nasty junk running through your veins.

3. Read to your kid. Duh.

4. Read them books you think are well-written and smart. Think about what you read them before you read it to them. Because if they like it, they are gonna want to hear you read it EVERY. DAMN. DAY.

5. Ask your kid questions. Serious and difficult and philosophical ones. Like “Do you believe in a god? Many gods? Which ones?Why or why not?” And “Have you ever wondered where your thoughts come from?” And “What did you dream about last night? What do you think dreams mean, if anything?”

6. Get ready to answer those questions yourself. Honestly. And in words that we all understand.

7. When your kid asks you a question that seriously perplexes you, don’t be afraid to tell her that you don’t know. Uncertainty is certain, mommy.

8. Under no circumstances should you produce more than 8. And I must admit here that I think 3 is pushin’ it.

9. Encourage her to be smart and kind. Encourage him to be the same.

10. If you want to make sure your kid hates you, buy them more toys and games and gadgets and what-nots and disposable bullshit than you had as a child. This will also ensure that your kid will hate herself, and everyone you meet will think both you and your kid are total assholes. The same goes for when you become a grandparent. Spoiling is not cute. It’s annoying.

What about you, moms and dads? Any advice for the future parents of the world? Also, I would love to hear from those of you that don’t have kids, what do you think about parenting?

It takes a village, ya know,



5 Responses to “Feminist Momming and Dadding”

  1. Oh boy, does #7 bring back memories of my little brother.

    Him: Why is the sky blue?
    Me: Because there’s water in it, and the sun coming through the water looks blue.
    Him: Why?
    Me: Because, um, there are lots of different colors and that’s the one that we see in the sky.
    Him: Why?
    Me: Because, um, uh, well, I don’t really know.
    Him: Why?
    Me: Because I don’t.
    Him: Why?
    Me: Because I haven’t learned that yet.
    Him: Why?
    Me: Because I haven’t been taught it.
    Him: Why?
    Me: I don’t know.
    Him: Why?
    Me: I don’t know.
    Him: Why?

    …etc., ad nauseum.

    But I’m still disappointed that I couldn’t answer him with something other than “I don’t know”.

  2. beamish Says:

    thanks for the entry, spring! i likes it.

    and eden, your post made me think of this louis c.k. bit called “why?”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4u2ZsoYWwJA

  3. carly Says:

    Some things that are important to me, that I hope Lilly does with her children are: Make sure your child has a relationship with your family and extended family. I was raised around great grandparents, great aunts and uncles, first, second and third couins, aunts, grandparents etc. I am still very close to them to this day. I try to have Lilly around my family as much as possible. It makes you feel like you belong. Plus, you can never have too many people that love you.

    I also think having something special that you do every week or two is important. Lilly and I try to go flea marketing on Saturdays and we both love it. Of course they will grow out of wanting to hang out with you in those teenage years, but I think it is something they will remember for the rest of their lives. I remember my grandmother always taking me certain places in my childhood.

    That would be my advice!

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